How to Survive the Apocalypse

AKA your birthday

How many people genuinely love their birthday? I had mine a few weeks ago and I can’t remember the last time I looked forward to one. Maybe it’s only for people who are emotionally mature and secure with themselves?

Wouldn’t know.

When you were younger did you ever get the, “Wow you’re so impressive for your age!” comments? Like what a major self-esteem booster they would be. I would always feel on top of the world. But what happens when you’re not young anymore? It seems as if the older you get, the more average you become. You’re only 18, 19 years old and playing professional tennis? Unbelievable! You’re a star! But now you’re almost 25? Step aside grandma. You were the youngest tennis player to win a professional tournament since Anna Kournikova in 1996? Check again, not anymore!

I hate how age can have an affect on your accomplishments. Especially on the tour, each year that passes is one step closer to retirement. And if you’re not where you want to be, you feel like you’re running out of time.

This year’s birthday has been particularly rough. When I was little, I remember my mom told me that while she was in the hospital giving birth to me, the French Open was playing on TV. Every year, all the adults would say that one day I would be in Paris, celebrating my birthday and playing Roland Garros at the same time. And so Roland Garros had always been a special slam to me. I honestly can’t remember the first time I celebrated my birthday away from home. But since then, it’s always been a running joke that I’m FORCED to spend my birthday in Paris.

I know, how sad.

So this year, when I played the qualifying of the French Open for the first time in years (gut punch), and lost first round (heartbroken), the first thought that went through my head was this will be the first time since covid that I’ll be home on my birthday.

It’s safe to say the big day consisted less of excitement and joy, and more of wallowing and tears. Considering the circumstances though, I’m surprised I only cried once. Not gonna lie, tears on my big day has become pretty common the last few years. But I’ve come up with some hacks to potentially save the day and not feel like the end of the world. Here they are:

• Let it out

I like to start my day crying so technically, things can’t get any worse. Don’t hold back, get a few gut-wrenching sobs into your pillow. Or you can be healthy and journal your thoughts, or if you’re just a happy person in general… go away. Bonus points if you start wailing like a dying animal.

• Make yourself pretty

Get a haircut, get your nails done (men get a pedicure!), do your makeup, dress up. If you feel like crap on the inside at least you can look stunning on the outside! Fake it till you make it! No one will know, except you!

• Eat noodles

This is a cultural thing. According to the Chinese, eating noodles on your birthday symbolizes having a long life. But who doesn’t like noodles in general? It’s your special day, carb it up. Plus a sprinkle of good luck couldn’t hurt.

• Listen to your favorite music.

If you’re feeling good, play those upbeat hot girl hits. If you’re a little depressy play some Noah Kahan and Taylor Swift. If you’re thinking wtf am I going to do with my life, you can’t go wrong with Billy Joel’s Vienna, a classic.

• Get roasted

  

  this one hurt

• Make your wish

Growing up often comes with more responsibility and less naivety. But there’s something about blowing out your candles and making a wish that makes you feel like a kid again. And it reminds you to never give up hope. *awwwwwww*

The world is quick to move on to the younger, newer, next best thing. I struggle a lot with the feeling of falling behind and playing catch up. It’s difficult constantly being around your competition and seeing what they’re accomplishing. I hope one day I can get to the point where I don’t need to look around and compare. Maybe that’s what I should’ve wished for.

But for now I’ll just eat my chocolate cake and hope for the best.