"You're a control freak"

Is what my coach tells me every day

Don’t worry I’m still here

I know I know, it’s been a while. I launch a blog two weeks ago and haven’t posted anything since? That sounds like bad time management to me. Now, today’s topic is going to be one that’s been on my mind for precisely five days. Why five? So specific! Fun fact I just played a tournament in Chicago (I’m actually writing this at the Chicago airport waiting for my flight to New York) and it lasted *drumroll please* five days! I even scrapped my original idea because this one just couldn’t wait. So what is the significance of these five days you ask? It’s the amount of time I’ve spent not writing this blog post because of… superstitions.

Some back story: The day before this tournament started, I was busy practicing and getting ready for my first round match. Naturally, I didn’t have any time to write. The next day, I won my match and got back to the hotel with some time on my hands before dinner. What should I do? Should I work on my new blog post a little? Or should I aimlessly scroll on TikTok? Hmmm tough decision. If it wasn’t obvious, I went to scrolling. Now in my defense, I didn’t go on TikTok because I was lazy. Usually that’s the reason, but not this time. I actually wanted to get started and write something but just before I could, a little voice in the back of my head said, “Woah hold up! Yesterday you didn’t write, and today you won your match. Are you sure you want to change up that routine? What if you start thinking too much and tire yourself out mentally? What if you write tonight and you lose tomorrow? You can’t risk this week on some stupid blog,” Keep in mind this “routine” has only lasted a day so far. But even as irrational as I just sounded, it was somewhat justified. Because the next day, I won my match, I went back to the hotel, and did I write? Of course not. And each win after that solidified my silly routine more and more.

Superstitions have stood the test of time. According to a very scientific article that I read in order to research this subject (she’s a scholar), our ancestors used superstitions to find some sort of meaning and understanding of the world. Because of that, superstitions have developed to being used to help people feel some sense of control over important things in their life. In my case, my tennis results. So much of tennis is thinking on your feet, and being able to find ways to adjust as quickly and efficiently as possible. For me, sometimes that doesn’t come so easy. I like to be in a situation where I can control and plan things out. I like to know what’s going to happen… quite the opposite from what tennis offers. So when I’m getting ready for a match and clearly don’t know how it’s going to go, my superstitions make me feel like I have some control over the outcome.

I’ve always told my sports psychologist, “If someone would just give me a map, I don’t care how hard the path is or how long it takes, as long as I know I’ll get to the end, I’ll do it,” Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that. No matter how hard you work or how talented you are, nothing is guaranteed. Well then what’s the point? For me, I know that even if I play my absolute best a win is not guaranteed. But if I do everything I can, it’ll give me the best chance of getting the outcome I want. And the more times I do that, the more opportunities I give myself to continue to succeed. There is hardly anything in life that you can fully control. All you can do is to keep putting yourself in the best position. So, whether or not things work out, you know you did everything you could.

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If you made it to the end, I have a reward for you! To hold myself accountable, here’s a list of past or present superstitions I’ve done. If you think you’re crazy, I’m crazier. Hope you enjoy!

• Always pick tails in a coin toss

• Can only drink one sip of gatorade and two sips of water each changeover, no matter what

• Can’t hit with my coach the day before a match, it has to be another player

• Nobody can grip my racket but me

• Whatever cuisine I ate when I won, I have to eat again

• Have to wear the same hairstyle every day